37. JUNE 2016-MARCH 2017: THE NOT IN THIS LIFETIME TOUR IS A SUCCESS

I really have no words for that. My daughter May and his daughter Lily were born 2 weeks apart. Susan and I were in Seattle then and so Susan Silver and my Susan were pregnant at the same time and we hung out a bunch when the girls were little babies. And then Audioslave started when Velvet Revolver started and we played gigs with them. [...] Those guys are all my age, you know, and... I don't know, man. The more it happens... With Chris was a shocker. You know, I've had little touches of depression in the last 7-8 years. Came out of nowhere, I'm not that guy. But I've had panic disorder since I was 16, and they always said that's a subset of depression. Hmm, like, "I don't have depression." I have panic attacks here and there, like in the weirdest places ever. And I've learned to deal with them. I know, I'm not, you know, I learned by the time I was 20, I'm not gonna die from a panic attack, you feel like you're going to. So, like, when I was about 40, what, about five years ago, I was in a movie theater with my wife, Susan, we went to the movies, and my seat sunk down 5 feet in the middle of the movie. And I looked around, I thought something happened to the theater, like there was earthquake. But no, I had like an attack of depression and just a feeling of moroseness. And I couldn't live like that, we got out of the theater and I'm shaking. I think, you know, it's hard to explain what it felt like. She drove me home and got my friend, came over, we got somebody else on the phone and it was depression. Like it was depression, and it passed. And then I went and saw some people about it and I had a couple more of those episodes. Sometimes I think I get things so I can write about it, because like you I'm a writer. Like, "Okay, now I've experienced that." I wrote a column about depression and because I know now about it. I don't have chronic depression, but I've had attacks. My point is, if Chris, Chester or, you know, anybody that's, like, if there was depression involved, then all bets are off. I can't. I'm not gonna judge them anyhow. I've been in and out of, you know, alcohol and drug addiction and I got it all, you know, so I can't, I'm not one to judge. But if there's depression involved- [...] It's a real because I understand. When I sunk down into that, five feet down, in that movie theater, I couldn't live like that. You can't breathe. You can't eat. You know, all your body functions, like, just go, you have no control. And I'm a strong dude. You know, like, I think positive and I apply a lot of principles to my life and through martial arts since through stuff. And I can see and deal with shit, bad shit, you know, and good shit, and be a dad and be, you know, things that I rise to because I love it. But when I had depression, I couldn't be any of those things. I couldn't be anything, right?

I knew the other Chris, the one I knew before [he became ill]. His then wife Susan [Silver] and my wife Susan were pregnant with our respective daughters, who were born two weeks apart [in 2000]. She’s a wonderful woman, and Lily, her daughter, is a wonderful girl. She’s the same age as my [youngest] daughter Mae. I knew Chris struggled with depression, and I hate that he’s gone. But that we’re talking about him means he’s still here with us.

Then Chris [Cornell]. Susan [Holmes McKagan, Duff's wife] and Susan Silver [Cornell's first wife] were pregnant at the same time. They had [their daughters] two weeks apart, and we hung out with them and our babies. That's just real-life shit, and then Chris going... the fucking weird thing about that is, that night, about 8 o'clock at night, Axl came into rehearsal and said, 'Let's do 'Black Hole Sun'. Let's try that song.' We rehearsed until 12:30 that night. I got home, and [GN'R guitarist] Richard Fortus texted me — 'Chris is dead.'

We had rehearsed that night, and Axl came into rehearsal and goes, ‘What do you guys think about doing “Black Hole Sun”? I’ve just been singing it for the last two weeks.’ Axl has a fucking sixth sense like that,” he says. “I don’t know if we tried it that night, but we talked about it. I drove home and [GN’R guitarist Richard] Fortus calls me at, like, 2 a.m. and is like, ‘Turn on the radio. Cornell’s dead.’ Axl was pretty freaked out by it.